1) After reviewing Stephanie's paper, I noticed some improvements I could make on my paper as well. First, I think that I also have some run on sentences that could be more concise. I think that I try to put too much information in one sentence and it can become confusing for the reader to understand. I also need to go back and review my paper to fix these instances. I also am not sure if I cited my in-text citations completely correct, so I will need to review those as well. Stephanie's introduction was a tad bit short and my introduction may be too. In my introduction I should make sure there is a lot of good background information for the reader to learn more about the topic. I think that having two graphs in my paper is a good amount. I think Stephanie should add in at least one more graph so she has more visuals to present to her readers.
2) After reviewing Gabriel's paper. I reflected that in my paper I should be more direct to the point. Gabriel did a nice job at stating the main points and relating them to the topic directly. His graphs were also visually appealing and easy to read. I need to reflect my in-text citations and make sure they are correct as well. One improvement I suggested to Gabriel was to elaborate and explain his quotations more in depth. I could add more detail into my paper as well.
Kayla,
ReplyDeleteAfter reading your paper thoroughly, I like where it stands at the moment. I think you did a great job with most things, however, every piece of writing can be improved.
I thought everything was clear including the problem, findings, and implications. It does flow very well. One thing that can be improved is for you to be more concise with your writing.
Your language use is good as it maintains a formal tone and is appropriate, however, there are some areas in which you put an extra word in and they need to be removed. The length is good and it follows APA rules. There are some spots that need to be fixed with punctuations; I have marked them on your paper.
Your IMRaD format overall is good, however there could be improvements on individual sections of it. For example, the discussion section can be more detailed as I feel it lacks elaboration. It needs to connect more to your main point and introduction.
The survey was clear and asked good questions about your subject. You need to focus on indicating how the experiment/study contributes to our understanding of the topic.
Overall, I would say the 3 things that need to be improved the most are conciseness, punctuation, and elaboration/connecting different aspects of your paper.
Good luck